Amanda Helm

Amanda Helm. I am 20 years old and I am a Social Work.

I told myself I would never quiet my heart for anyone who was convinced they loved me. I am not too loud for you. I am not too rough for you.

When Electric Eels want to tell other eels that they are in love, they emit an electric shock with either an extremely high frequency or extremely low frequency depending on who they are speaking to.

When birds want to communicate with one another they sing back and forth to one another, duetting their feelings, their fears, their worries, their desires, their dreams, their love letters through song.

When Chimpanzees greet each other, they touch hands, somewhat like humans do when they shake hands, but more intimately - as if they were saying, “I have missed you so very much; I must remember how you feel.”

When Elephants are in love, they entwine their trunks and wish to never be parted. When Otters fall asleep, they hold hands, so that they are not separated as they drift in the water. When Giraffes are in love, they press their necks together to show affection. Horses rub noses and Whales leap out of the water and Swans entangle their necks together.

What I am saying is this: I think we have it wrong. I want to get rid of the human language. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to tell you that I love you, that I care for you, that I desire you to be next to me - I want to touch your hands. How do you feel? Are you warm? I want to press my neck to yours until I can match your pulse. Are you nervous? I want to hold your hand, before we drift away, because we both know what this means. I want to leap out of the water and have you understand that I LOVE YOU with everything but words.

Humans have it wrong. We listen to what is said, but we forget what it means to kiss with desire and touch like we want to remember and make love like it actually exists.

Amanda Helm, The Human Language 

When Electric Eels want to tell other eels that they are in love, they emit an electric shock with either an extremely high frequency or extremely low frequency depending on who they are speaking to.

When birds want to communicate with one another they sing back and forth to one another, duetting their feelings, their fears, their worries, their desires, their dreams, their love letters through song.

When Chimpanzees greet each other, they touch hands, somewhat like humans do when they shake hands, but more intimately - as if they were saying, “I have missed you so very much; I must remember how you feel.”

When Elephants are in love, they entwine their trunks and wish to never be parted. When Otters fall asleep, they hold hands, so that they are not separated as they drift in the water. When Giraffes are in love, they press their necks together to show affection. Horses rub noses and Whales leap out of the water and Swans entangle their necks together.

What I am saying is this: I think we have it wrong. I want to get rid of the human language. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to tell you that I love you, that I care for you, that I desire you to be next to me - I want to touch your hands. How do you feel? Are you warm? I want to press my neck to yours until I can match your pulse. Are you nervous? I want to hold your hand, before we drift away, because we both know what this means. I want to leap out of the water and have you understand that I LOVE YOU with everything but words.

Humans have it wrong. We listen to what is said, but we forget what it means to kiss with desire and touch like we want to remember and make love like it actually exists.

Amanda Helm, The Human Language 

Anonymous
Can you link the poem that anon was talking about the "when I met you it was 65 and windy"

it will not be at 3 am in someone else’s arms and it will not be when you throw the box of pictures and letters and memories across the room because they’re gone now. They are gone now and you can’t do a thing about it.

this is how you will fall out of love, it will be slow and it will be painful, like slowly tearing a band-aid off, except worse. It will be gradual, like the first time you realized you were falling into love. You may be walking down the hallway of your home when you forget what their nose looks like. There will be flashbacks and times where you imagine them to be right next to you at anytime. You will smell the cigarette smoke and look around, because that used to be them. A stranger will smile at you and you will wish they weren’t around to see you cry.


this is how you will fall out of love, when you realize you used past tense to talk about them. This time you did not have to correct yourself and you did not cry. There will be stormy nights and you will want to text them, “I miss you” but you don’t. You don’t because it’s time. It’s time and you both know it and even though it hurts, you make the decision to turn out the lights and fall asleep alone.
this is how you will fall out of love, you will see someone and think they are cute and you will not feel shame because you saw someone that was not them. You will find yourself staring at your reflection in the mirror, with water dripping off of your freckled skin, right after your shower. You will connect your freckles and pinch your love handles and you will close your eyes and you will remember all the times they held you, but you will not miss them. You will allow yourself this one night of no regrets, this one night of not missing them, this one night of being alone and knowing you’re worthy, because there have been so many nights harder than this one.

this is how you will fall out of love, you will finally forgive them for keeping that from you. It will be less about forgiving and more about forgetting. You will stop blaming yourself, you will stop imagining a future where you meet ten years down the road in a coffee shop or a punk show where your favorite band is playing, and you start over. There is no starting over. You know this is the end. You know it won’t happen again.

this is how you will fall out of love, there will be many sleepless nights. there will be many sleepless nights. there will be many sleepless nights. there will be many sleepless nights, but one day you will drift off to sleep and you won’t dream of them. It will be hard and it may take seven months or a year or three years but you will fall out of love with them and it will hurt and you will hold them in your knees like grass stains that don’t wash out and you may forget their face and you may forget their name but they are a part of you now. You will fall out of love with them and they will fall out of love with you and you will forever see love differently. You will forever see God differently. You will talk to the Divine like they are human, like they are broken, like they have loved and lost it all, too.


this is how you will fall out of love, you will remember that you could never promise forever and you will realize that this was good for as long as it lasted. Your love was fresh and pure until it ran out. You will understand that it did not need to last forever, it did not need to become stale.

Amanda Helm, This is How You WIll Fall Out of Love (via amandaspoetry)

(via amandaspoetry)

Anonymous
Okay so your post about falling out of love just ripped my heart out. You're amazing

I’ve never been called amazing after writing something that ripped someone’s heart out, so thanks, love!! I appreciate the compliment and encouragement!

Anonymous
I just read "when I met you it was 65 and windy". I'm crying so hard right now. The guy I had sworn was the one just left me after months of making me believe he was the only one for me. The ending is so brutally & I just want to thank you for that.

it hurts doesn’t it? it hurts because you imagined everything and they imagined it too, but they didn’t want it. they didn’t want it. they take something they were never allowed to take and it doesn’t make any sense when they are gone, but you can move on and you can forget him and you can find a better one. you can find an honest one. you can. you can. you can. you can find it in yourself. you can find it in so many others. you can. you can. you can. <3 

it will not be at 3 am in someone else’s arms and it will not be when you throw the box of pictures and letters and memories across the room because they’re gone now. They are gone now and you can’t do a thing about it.

this is how you will fall out of love, it will be slow and it will be painful, like slowly tearing a band-aid off, except worse. It will be gradual, like the first time you realized you were falling into love. You may be walking down the hallway of your home when you forget what their nose looks like. There will be flashbacks and times where you imagine them to be right next to you at anytime. You will smell the cigarette smoke and look around, because that used to be them. A stranger will smile at you and you will wish they weren’t around to see you cry.


this is how you will fall out of love, when you realize you used past tense to talk about them. This time you did not have to correct yourself and you did not cry. There will be stormy nights and you will want to text them, “I miss you” but you don’t. You don’t because it’s time. It’s time and you both know it and even though it hurts, you make the decision to turn out the lights and fall asleep alone.
this is how you will fall out of love, you will see someone and think they are cute and you will not feel shame because you saw someone that was not them. You will find yourself staring at your reflection in the mirror, with water dripping off of your freckled skin, right after your shower. You will connect your freckles and pinch your love handles and you will close your eyes and you will remember all the times they held you, but you will not miss them. You will allow yourself this one night of no regrets, this one night of not missing them, this one night of being alone and knowing you’re worthy, because there have been so many nights harder than this one.

this is how you will fall out of love, you will finally forgive them for keeping that from you. It will be less about forgiving and more about forgetting. You will stop blaming yourself, you will stop imagining a future where you meet ten years down the road in a coffee shop or a punk show where your favorite band is playing, and you start over. There is no starting over. You know this is the end. You know it won’t happen again.

this is how you will fall out of love, there will be many sleepless nights. there will be many sleepless nights. there will be many sleepless nights. there will be many sleepless nights, but one day you will drift off to sleep and you won’t dream of them. It will be hard and it may take seven months or a year or three years but you will fall out of love with them and it will hurt and you will hold them in your knees like grass stains that don’t wash out and you may forget their face and you may forget their name but they are a part of you now. You will fall out of love with them and they will fall out of love with you and you will forever see love differently. You will forever see God differently. You will talk to the Divine like they are human, like they are broken, like they have loved and lost it all, too.


this is how you will fall out of love, you will remember that you could never promise forever and you will realize that this was good for as long as it lasted. Your love was fresh and pure until it ran out. You will understand that it did not need to last forever, it did not need to become stale.

Amanda Helm, This is How You WIll Fall Out of Love

There is an earthquake in my esophagus
and you are falling in.
Tell me-
is it easy to breathe when you are
being suffocated?
Is it easy to love me when
I do not love you?

Amanda Helm, Suffocation  (via amandaspoetry)

Anonymous
Adam and Eve as well as Architect! i hope i got the names right i couldn't quite remember! xx

It is so interesting that people keep telling me they like Architect, because that was such an off the wall poem for me - it was just some weird idea I had that I thought I would try - it reminded me a lot of a poem I wrote back in November When I Met You it was 65 and Windy  (read it and you may see why) and it was just a long shot for me and people keep telling me they love it and I keep thinking, “woah that is so cool.” 

it’s just so cool and I wanted to thank you for letting me know what your favorites were! 

Adam and Eve was so fun for me to write. I wanted Adam and Eve to become more human - to be honest, I was worried people wouldn’t like it because it had those small religious undertones to it, but it’s just TOO COOL THAT PEOPLE STILL LIKE MY POETRY THANK YOU

but if you want to read these poems again - here is Adam and Eve

and here is Architect 

There is an earthquake in my esophagus
and you are falling in.
Tell me-
is it easy to breathe when you are
being suffocated?
Is it easy to love me when
I do not love you?

Amanda Helm, Suffocation 

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